This is me, swanning off
ursulavernon:

phatfred:

ninjanaomi:

castiel-on-top-of-the-tree:

rhamphotheca:

Help Our Turtle Friends!!!

NO NO NO NO
WRONG
SO VERY WRONG
LISTEN ALL MY FELLOW FRIENDS: I’VE VOLUNTEERED AT THE NEW ENGLAND WILDLIFE CENTER, A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TRAVEL TO INTERN AT, FOR MORE THAN YEAR AND THIS IS SO VERY WRONG
IN CASE YA’LL DIDN’T KNOW, TURTLE ARE CONNECTED TO THEIR SHELLS, AND PICKING THEM UP LIKE IS SHOWN IN THE PICTURE CAN SEVERELY DAMAGE THEIR SPINE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU JERK THEM AROUND
SO LET ME TELL YOU A THING
IF YOU SEE A TURTLE IN THE ROAD, STOP YOUR CAR FAR ENOUGH AWAY THAT THE TURTLE CAN STILL BE SEEN THROUGH YOUR WINDSHIELD.
IF YOU’RE ON A NON-BUSY ROAD AND/OR THE TURTLE ISN’T FLIPPED ON IT’S SHELL (WHICH BY THE WAY WHAT THE FUCK TURTLE DON’T ACTUALLY FALL ON THEIR BACKS LIKE THAT PRETTY MUCH EVER ESPECIALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THAT PICTURE) GET A STICK OR JUST USE YOUR FOOT TO GENTLY NUDGE THE TURTLE’S REAR IN THE DIRECTION IT’S GOING IN. THOSE FUCKERS ARE FAST WHEN THEY WANT TO BE.
IF PICKING UP THE TURTLE IS NECESSARY, APPROACH IT FROM THE SIDE, MAKE SURE IT SEES YOU, THEN GO AROUND THE BACK. ALL TURTLES HAVE JAWS LIKE THE VIRGIN ASSHOLE OF SATAN, EVEN IF IT’S NOT A SNAPPER, AND YOU DO NOT WANT THOSE CLAMPERS ON YOUR HAND OR ARM. BELIEVE ME.
PICK THAT SHELLED CUTENESS UP LIKE A HAMBURGER, ONE HAND ON EACH SIDE OF THE SHELL HALFWAY BETWEEN FRONT AND BACK LEGS, FINGERS ON THE BOTTOM SHELL, THUMBS ON THE TOP SHELL. KEEP THE TURTLE AS HORIZONTAL AS YOU CAN AS YOU CARRY IT TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. [note: see below for snappers, they have longer necks!]
DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT BRING THE TURTLE TO A “SAFE HABITAT.” DISPLACING ANY SPECIES OF WILDLIFE LOWERS THEIR CHANCE OF SURVIVAL DUE TO NOT KNOWING WHERE THE FUCK THEY ARE. MAKE SURE THE TURTLE IS SOMEWHERE AROUND TEN PACES AWAY FROM ANY KIND OF HUMAN CONTRAPTION, INCLUDING HOUSES AND SIDEWALKS, AND THEN LEAVE HIM TO HIS DEVICES. THEY’RE NOT STUPID, THEY’RE NOT GONNA TURN AROUND AND WALK RIGHT BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
THINGS TO REMEMBER:
-DON’T PICK UP BY THE TAIL. IT CAN BREAK THE SPINE.
-DON’T MOVE TO ANOTHER HABITAT.
-DON’T TAKE ‘EM HOME. THAT’S ACTUALLY ILLEGAL IN MOST STATES.
-DON’T PUT YOUR HANDS ANYWHERE NEAR THE MOUTH.
-BE WARY OF THEIR FEET, THEIR CLAWS CAN BE SHARP.
-WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER, REPTILES CAN CARRY SALMONELLA AND WHILE IT’S PRETTY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTRACT IT UNLESS YOU SUCK ON THEIR CLOACA IT’S BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.
-DON’T MOVE THE TURTLE TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD THEY JUST CAME FROM. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT. THEY WANT TO GO THE WAY THEY WERE GOING, GENIUS.
-IF THE TURTLE IS ON A HIGHWAY, IT’S PROBABLY BEST TO PICK THEM UP- AS DESCRIBED ABOVE- AND PUT THEM IN A BOX FOR TRANSPORT SINCE THEY’RE SQUIRMY LITTLE BITCHES.
-SNAPPERS ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS OTHER TURTLES, DON’T IGNORE THEM BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE DEMON CHILD OF A T-REX AND BOX TURTLE. NO MATTER HOW BUSY THE ROAD IS, THOUGH, THE RULE OF THUMB IS DON’T PICK THEM UP IF THEY’RE BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD. STOP TRAFFIC AND NUDGE THEM ALONG. PEOPLE MAY BE PISSED AT YOU, BUT AT LEAST YOU’LL KEEP YOUR FINGERS.
WIELD YOUR NEW FOUND KNOWLEDGE FREQUENTLY, MY FELLOW TURTLE SAVIORS.

it is important that you read this shining example of wildlife safety literature all the way through to fully appreciate its radiance and learn the ways of turtle protection.

AND HOLD THEM AWAY FROM YOU WHEN YOU PICK THEM UP BECAUSE THEY WILL PISS ALL OVER YOU!!!

The bladder capacity of an enraged red-eared slider is awe-inspiring. I mean, it’s like they’ve got a frickin’ door to Narnia in there that opens at the bottom of the ocean.

Actually, the “urine” that crossing turtles excrete is water they’ve stored in their cloaca that the female uses to wet the ground before she starts digging a pit for her eggs. Most adult turtles you find crossing the road in the spring/summer are females going to lay their eggs, and if you pick a turtle up and it “pees” it has actually just wasted all that water and will probably need to re-cross the road to go BACK, get more water, and try again.But yes, most of the time the female knows where she’s going - either upland to lay eggs or down to return to the water - and the best thing to do is just get them to the other side in the direction they were traveling.

ursulavernon:

phatfred:

ninjanaomi:

castiel-on-top-of-the-tree:

rhamphotheca:

Help Our Turtle Friends!!!

NO NO NO NO

WRONG

SO VERY WRONG

LISTEN ALL MY FELLOW FRIENDS: I’VE VOLUNTEERED AT THE NEW ENGLAND WILDLIFE CENTER, A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TRAVEL TO INTERN AT, FOR MORE THAN YEAR AND THIS IS SO VERY WRONG

IN CASE YA’LL DIDN’T KNOW, TURTLE ARE CONNECTED TO THEIR SHELLS, AND PICKING THEM UP LIKE IS SHOWN IN THE PICTURE CAN SEVERELY DAMAGE THEIR SPINE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU JERK THEM AROUND

SO LET ME TELL YOU A THING

IF YOU SEE A TURTLE IN THE ROAD, STOP YOUR CAR FAR ENOUGH AWAY THAT THE TURTLE CAN STILL BE SEEN THROUGH YOUR WINDSHIELD.

IF YOU’RE ON A NON-BUSY ROAD AND/OR THE TURTLE ISN’T FLIPPED ON IT’S SHELL (WHICH BY THE WAY WHAT THE FUCK TURTLE DON’T ACTUALLY FALL ON THEIR BACKS LIKE THAT PRETTY MUCH EVER ESPECIALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD SO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THAT PICTURE) GET A STICK OR JUST USE YOUR FOOT TO GENTLY NUDGE THE TURTLE’S REAR IN THE DIRECTION IT’S GOING IN. THOSE FUCKERS ARE FAST WHEN THEY WANT TO BE.

IF PICKING UP THE TURTLE IS NECESSARY, APPROACH IT FROM THE SIDE, MAKE SURE IT SEES YOU, THEN GO AROUND THE BACK. ALL TURTLES HAVE JAWS LIKE THE VIRGIN ASSHOLE OF SATAN, EVEN IF IT’S NOT A SNAPPER, AND YOU DO NOT WANT THOSE CLAMPERS ON YOUR HAND OR ARM. BELIEVE ME.

PICK THAT SHELLED CUTENESS UP LIKE A HAMBURGER, ONE HAND ON EACH SIDE OF THE SHELL HALFWAY BETWEEN FRONT AND BACK LEGS, FINGERS ON THE BOTTOM SHELL, THUMBS ON THE TOP SHELL. KEEP THE TURTLE AS HORIZONTAL AS YOU CAN AS YOU CARRY IT TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. [note: see below for snappers, they have longer necks!]

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT BRING THE TURTLE TO A “SAFE HABITAT.” DISPLACING ANY SPECIES OF WILDLIFE LOWERS THEIR CHANCE OF SURVIVAL DUE TO NOT KNOWING WHERE THE FUCK THEY ARE. MAKE SURE THE TURTLE IS SOMEWHERE AROUND TEN PACES AWAY FROM ANY KIND OF HUMAN CONTRAPTION, INCLUDING HOUSES AND SIDEWALKS, AND THEN LEAVE HIM TO HIS DEVICES. THEY’RE NOT STUPID, THEY’RE NOT GONNA TURN AROUND AND WALK RIGHT BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

-DON’T PICK UP BY THE TAIL. IT CAN BREAK THE SPINE.

-DON’T MOVE TO ANOTHER HABITAT.

-DON’T TAKE ‘EM HOME. THAT’S ACTUALLY ILLEGAL IN MOST STATES.

-DON’T PUT YOUR HANDS ANYWHERE NEAR THE MOUTH.

-BE WARY OF THEIR FEET, THEIR CLAWS CAN BE SHARP.

-WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER, REPTILES CAN CARRY SALMONELLA AND WHILE IT’S PRETTY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE TO CONTRACT IT UNLESS YOU SUCK ON THEIR CLOACA IT’S BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY.

-DON’T MOVE THE TURTLE TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD THEY JUST CAME FROM. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT. THEY WANT TO GO THE WAY THEY WERE GOING, GENIUS.

-IF THE TURTLE IS ON A HIGHWAY, IT’S PROBABLY BEST TO PICK THEM UP- AS DESCRIBED ABOVE- AND PUT THEM IN A BOX FOR TRANSPORT SINCE THEY’RE SQUIRMY LITTLE BITCHES.

-SNAPPERS ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS OTHER TURTLES, DON’T IGNORE THEM BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE DEMON CHILD OF A T-REX AND BOX TURTLE. NO MATTER HOW BUSY THE ROAD IS, THOUGH, THE RULE OF THUMB IS DON’T PICK THEM UP IF THEY’RE BIGGER THAN YOUR HEAD. STOP TRAFFIC AND NUDGE THEM ALONG. PEOPLE MAY BE PISSED AT YOU, BUT AT LEAST YOU’LL KEEP YOUR FINGERS.

WIELD YOUR NEW FOUND KNOWLEDGE FREQUENTLY, MY FELLOW TURTLE SAVIORS.

it is important that you read this shining example of wildlife safety literature all the way through to fully appreciate its radiance and learn the ways of turtle protection.

AND HOLD THEM AWAY FROM YOU WHEN YOU PICK THEM UP BECAUSE THEY WILL PISS ALL OVER YOU!!!

The bladder capacity of an enraged red-eared slider is awe-inspiring. I mean, it’s like they’ve got a frickin’ door to Narnia in there that opens at the bottom of the ocean.

Actually, the “urine” that crossing turtles excrete is water they’ve stored in their cloaca that the female uses to wet the ground before she starts digging a pit for her eggs. Most adult turtles you find crossing the road in the spring/summer are females going to lay their eggs, and if you pick a turtle up and it “pees” it has actually just wasted all that water and will probably need to re-cross the road to go BACK, get more water, and try again.

But yes, most of the time the female knows where she’s going - either upland to lay eggs or down to return to the water - and the best thing to do is just get them to the other side in the direction they were traveling.

Wellp, my two cockatiels have gone from hating each other (or at least, Argyle hating Donnelly and Donnelly adoring Argyle but having been snapped at too many times to quite trust her) to, umm, mating… Guess maybe it’s just that time for Argyle? Or maybe the new fuller-spectrum light above their cage cast Donnelbird in a more handsome light, especially since his yellow face has mostly come in now (and he’s juuuuust barely starting to get primaries and tail feathers back - which is good cuz the breeder cut his wings dangerously short!).

On the one hand, I’m glad they’re getting along now and can keep each other company instead of being totally reliant on my fiancé! On the other hand, I think I may need to order some larger dummy eggs for Argyle - the standard “cockatiel-sized” eggs are too small for this giant hen and clearly inferior to her mind. But hopefully she just doesn’t lay at all!

Edit: lol, okay they are still hissing at each other apparently. Hissburgers with benefits I guess?

Wellp, my two cockatiels have gone from hating each other (or at least, Argyle hating Donnelly and Donnelly adoring Argyle but having been snapped at too many times to quite trust her) to, umm, mating… Guess maybe it’s just that time for Argyle? Or maybe the new fuller-spectrum light above their cage cast Donnelbird in a more handsome light, especially since his yellow face has mostly come in now (and he’s juuuuust barely starting to get primaries and tail feathers back - which is good cuz the breeder cut his wings dangerously short!).

On the one hand, I’m glad they’re getting along now and can keep each other company instead of being totally reliant on my fiancé! On the other hand, I think I may need to order some larger dummy eggs for Argyle - the standard “cockatiel-sized” eggs are too small for this giant hen and clearly inferior to her mind. But hopefully she just doesn’t lay at all!

Edit: lol, okay they are still hissing at each other apparently. Hissburgers with benefits I guess?

[ PASSIONATELY SINGS A SONG IN A LANGUAGE I DON’T UNDERSTAND] 

My fiancé once broke into a perfect rendition of the “the Real Folk Blues”, badly startling a friend who actually speaks Japanese.

blackyote:

Misadventures of a Black ‘Yote has reached 500 followers!  Go, me!  And a big THANK YOU to everyone who’s liked or reblogged my birds, serpents, and other miscellaneous animal-life.  I love you all.  :)

To commemorate this milestone I thought it would be fun to do my first ever Tumblr Give Away!  It begins today and ends one month from now: October 11th, 2014.  The rules are simple:

1. You must reblog this post.  Likes are appreciated but don’t count as entering in the contest.

2. Make sure your Ask Box is open, because that’s how I’ll alert you that you’ve won.  If I don’t get a response within 48 hours, a new winner will be chosen.  (I WILL ship internationally.)

Altogether three winners will be chosen.  Each receives a Wm Spear Design falcon pin of their choice.  The peregrine, kestrel, and gyrfalcon are in memory of dear friends we have lost in the past year: Gypsy, Callie, and Elros.

First place gets their pick, second place gets their pick, and third place gets the remaining pin.  Luckily they’re all beautiful!  I myself own a couple of these.

Good luck, everyone, and happy tumblring!  :)

In addition to wanting these, I must also reblog for the prettiness. :3

honpun:

rubygirl14:

honpun:

A birb in a local advertisement!

Because BIRBS love glasses!

They really do! That parrot is totally latched onto the temple. Honpun likes to grab the bridge of my glasses with his beak and just hold it. I’m glad that this business recognizes birds’ natural fascination with glasses. Bonus points if their product is extra sturdy/chew proof
Birbs in advertising and visual culture ftw
Actually just birds in everything ftw, yeah

So like, I want to like this? But on the other hand, dat weird alien neck photoshop job, tho

honpun:

rubygirl14:

honpun:

A birb in a local advertisement!

Because BIRBS love glasses!

They really do! That parrot is totally latched onto the temple. Honpun likes to grab the bridge of my glasses with his beak and just hold it. I’m glad that this business recognizes birds’ natural fascination with glasses. Bonus points if their product is extra sturdy/chew proof

Birbs in advertising and visual culture ftw

Actually just birds in everything ftw, yeah

So like, I want to like this? But on the other hand, dat weird alien neck photoshop job, tho

atlasobscura:

skunkbear:

The blooming of an Amorphophallus titanum (AKA corpse flower AKA titan arum) at The Huntington Library last week inspired me!

If you think humans jump through a lot of hoops just to reproduce, check out this plant. It waits 7-10 years, storing up starch in a giant tuber, just so it can bloom for a single day. Then it pretends to be a hunk of rotting meat to attract insect pollinators. Then, months later, it switches tactics to a produce a sweet fruit so birds will disperse it’s seeds.

If you have never smelled a titan arum but for some odd reason you would like to … you are in … luck? Scientists have identified the exact malodorous chemicals that come off these strange flowers to attract pollinators - so you can create the scent at home!*

*please, for your own sake, don’t try this at home.

Everything you ever wanted to know about the world’s rankest flower, illustrated!

Dude, the school I go to - a tiny ass school I only went to because one of the world’s experts on cowbirds teaches here - also happens to have like eight of these things, at least once of which has bloomed. Too bad I’ll likely be gone by the time the next one does!

theredoormouse:

gowns:

adultinsect:

mrcaptaincook:

kinesin (a motor protein) pulling a some kind of vesicle along some kind of cytoskeletal filament
via John Liebler at Art of the Cell

me coming into the club

life is TRULY INCREDIBLE AND FUCKED UP


wtf is this?  Is this in a person?  Or an animal?  Maybe a freaky ass plant?

Basically within the cell of any eukaryote, as far as I know. How did you THINK things moved around inside your cells - by floating around? Nah man, they walk(I used to think they just floated too)

theredoormouse:

gowns:

adultinsect:

mrcaptaincook:

kinesin (a motor protein) pulling a some kind of vesicle along some kind of cytoskeletal filament

via John Liebler at Art of the Cell

me coming into the club

life is TRULY INCREDIBLE AND FUCKED UP

wtf is this? Is this in a person? Or an animal? Maybe a freaky ass plant?

Basically within the cell of any eukaryote, as far as I know. How did you THINK things moved around inside your cells - by floating around? Nah man, they walk

(I used to think they just floated too)

went through the effort of coloring this and then it looked so much better in black and white… I’ll learn to use colors properly someday :/

went through the effort of coloring this and then it looked so much better in black and white… I’ll learn to use colors properly someday :/

pepperandpals:

This feather offended Pepper oh so very much.

#birdworldproblems

gunterthetiel:

Gifs from Franky’s hair bath. Video: http://youtu.be/f1NSsp1XpPM

Such luxury~